My sister came up with this topic idea and I think it’s fabulous!  I tend to focus on the operational side of things rather than the emotional side, so this bodes well for learning and reinforcing from my end as a parent to my children.

How do you explain the presence of a new person in the house?
How do you explain who this person is?
How do you explain what they do and why they do it?

I see the challenge of “explaining the role of your domestic helper to your children” in 2 parts:

1. The verbal explanation
2. The action explanation

Let me explain why and how I actually act on these two pieces.

Verbal Explanation

My children do ask challenging questions (or give quirky responses) when it comes to my domestic helper.  For example:

• On Sundays on her day off - Is Jeh Jeh (the name they call the helper - means older sister in Cantonese) going to work?
• If they spill something or make a mess.  Jeh Jeh can clean it up for me, right?  WRONG!

I try to explain to them that Jeh Jeh is someone there who helps me.  I don’t outright say that she is a domestic helper, nor do I say that she is a maid or anything to that level.  I do mention that she does make money and has a job, but I don’t think they associate her working with her being at home.  This is why they assume she “goes to work” on Sundays, but I tell them that she is going out with her friends and taking time off from work.  I also tell them that Jeh Jeh isn’t their maid and will not pick up after them if they make a mess.  By this, I make sure my kids clean up after themselves when possible after they have played with their toys or help put away dishes and plates after they eat.  It is unavoidable as they get older that they will understand some of the employer-employee distinctions and ignorance is definitely not the right answer - so this leads me to the non-verbal behaviour.  To cement this, I tell my children that they have to “be nice” - to whomever - even the garbage lady.  This explanation goes beyond the silo of domestic help, it encompasses an entire upbringing and brainwashing of trying to do good and be good.

Action Explanation

Verbal explanations are only half (or less) of the true message.  It’s what you do that counts more than what you say and by practicing what I preach, I don’t belittle or downgrade my domestic helper.  I treat her as a family member and do not expect her to do 100% of the housework (who needs a sparking toilet EVERYDAY?).  My expectation of the domestic helper is really to relieve me of the domestic work, yet provide (in a non-monetary sense) for my children - first and foremost.  My children see that I also help set the table, put away the dishes, change their clothing, bathe them and therefore I don’t create a distinct barrier that sets what she does different from what I do.  I will sometimes see Vanessa pointing her finger at the helper and “bossing” her around and *gasp* looking at it from hindsight, I hope she’s not picking that up from me (but then again, she does that to her father, so it just might be her nature). 

This is why explaining verbally is good, but what value does that have if it’s not practiced?  The simplest is to treat the helper as part of the family.  Let me tell you a story as a side thought.  While at a high-end buffet in Hong Kong, I saw a family of 3 having dinner.  There was a helper, the child and 2 parents - but the helper wasn’t eating.  She was only caring for/feeding/looking after the child IN THE BUFFET!  OK, I don’t know about you, but I find that darn ridiculous.  If you don’t want to pay for the helper’s meal, leave her at home.  If you don’t want to care for your child, leave the child at home with the helper.  Why degrade your helper by doing that?  Sorry, digression.  So in short, I think the role of the helper can’t be explained in one sitting with your children, nor can it be done and understood through a verbal conversation.  Children do learn more quickly through example than rationale and they are probably far more observant than we give them credit for.  So practice what you preach and give them a solid foundation in being and doing good.

Sample photo of a “mild” mess my children make
Guilty as snapped - Victoria & her cousin Nicholas.