Instead of writing a rant (which I’ve been mumbling to myself about in the shower), I’ve decided to make this a productive post on issues I’ve have to deal with in regards to having domestic helpers. Given that I’m currently on my 3rd helper within the span of 1 year, I’ve had my fair share of problems (albeit some of them are mine).

For starters, this article is really meant for people who HAVE helpers. If you’re looking to hire, best check out my earlier post “How to Hire a Domestic Helper in Hong Kong“.

Issues with Money

Lack of responsibility regarding money

Problem: I’ve come to realize my helper is not the most educated or thrifty when it comes to money.  Because she is an overseas hire, she carries with her a 7-month HKD $21000 debt to her name (which she borrowed to pay for training services and securing a job in Hong Kong).  Since she started on the 13th of August, she is then required to pay back the loan at HKD $3000 a month every 13th of the month.  This is a problem, because I (and most people) pay their salaries at the end of the month (which means she will be short come every 13th).  So what I did initially was front her the salary to cover her HKD $3000 - which meant that I was paying her salary twice a month.  However, I don’t think it’s my responsibility to remind her of the 13th salary advance - I’m just doing it out of good faith so she doesn’t default her loan.  So far, she’s almost missed her payments twice.  I had to remind her on the 13th that she has a debt payment and she will still look at me dazed and confused.  You can imagine my frustration.

Solution:  Screw the monthly end payment and just pay her lump sum every 13th of the month.  This is what I’ve decided to do to reduce the twice a month salary payment.  Yes, this means she won’t have any money for awhile, but with someone who is in debt, being frugul is critical.  I’ve discussed this with her and really leaving her no choice because I don’t want her to default on her loan.

Borrowing Money

Problem:  What comes with a lack of responsibility with money is also how they deal with money on a day to day basis.  What I do is give my helper a petty cash of about HKD $500 for buying household items when required.  This will include toilet paper, laundry, and groceries.  What my helper has been doing is borrowing that money for her personal use because she has no money.  You can imagine my shock at this.  I require my helper to write down what she’s spent the petty cash on and how much is left (including all receipts).  She’s been writing things down (in Indonesian - fine), but not keeping a clear tab on how much is left. 

Solution:  I’ve sat her down and wrote her an example of how I want the book keeping done.  I’ve also stated clearly that any borrowing will result in a deduction from her salary.  After much thought and discussion with people around me, I finally went to sit down with her to talk about her financial spending.  I know it’s not really my business, but when she needs to borrow from my petty cash for food on Sunday, it becomes my problem.  I told her how critical it was for her to stay in positive territory and to spend her money wisely because of the debt she was carrying.  She was pretty apologetic and on the brink of crying.  From this point forward though - I will only give her petty cash when needed and keep less than HKD $100 in her possession.  I order all major items online (from parknshop), so it is billed directly to my credit card.  Do not keep any cash lying around and anything or value is locked up in our safe. 

Problem:  Too often, you hear about helpers borrowing money from institutions (money lenders) in Hong Kong.  What happens is when the collection starts, they are either knocking on your door or calling your house. 

Solution:  The best solution for borrowing money is prevention of it. Many money lending institutions require some for of identification in order to borrow money.   What I do with my helpers’ passport is I either leave it with the agent (who is willing to hold it for me and can only be withdrawn upon the employer’s request) or I tell my helper that I will put it away for her in safe storage.  Without her passport, she can’t borrow money.   In addition, you have to be forthcoming to your helper.  As part of the rules you’ve given her, state that you will not lend her money and that she is responsible for any debt she does carry.

Careless use of AC/electricity

Problem:  For 2 of my helpers, they are completely ignorant of the fact that continued use of air-conditioning and the heater costs money.  My current helper will turn on the air-conditioning right when she wakes up to clean the house and at night when she sleeps.  My previous helper would turn on a heater we left for her before she showered and would leave it on all night.  I am not even privy to that kind of luxury (heater on all night) and it is a potential fire hazard.  They don’t seem to understand that electricity in any form costs money.  My current helper will leave lights on around the house (her room, the washroom) and wash clothes for a half loaded washing machine. 

Solution:  Two ways I dealt with this.  The first is to tell it like it is.  I told my helper she has to turn off lights when she’s not in the room and turn off the air conditioning when not necessary.  The second is to set example in myself in that I will turn off the air conditioning she’s turned on and tell her that it’s not necessary.  The only time I really use air conditioning now is when the babies are around and they become sweat heads.  I can deal with a bit of heat and so can she.

Inability to cook (or learn to cook)

Problem:  My helper is a horrible cook.  She also has a horrible memory and lacks effort in learning.  She can make rice and congee (with the rice cooker) and basics like boiling veggies and such, but anything beyond that, turns into a unique creation.  I know she has had training, but her creations are not what I thought they would be.  My husband eats only white rice and then goes out for a second dinner afterwards.  She’s even boiled a sweet potato soup for me once - god knows only where she made that up from - and laughed when she told me to try it.  Chinese people don’t drink sweet soup and she may have added sugar instead of salt.  She didn’t even drink it, so I can’t begin to think how she could think we would drink it.  *Rolling eyes*

Solution:  The good thing is that I have a mother-in-law who is a fabulous cook.  What we’ve arranged now is that the helper will prepare the food and right before we eat, my mother-in-law will cook it.  I can do the same at home and in some instances, I have taken over her cooking to prevent further mess.  I’ve taught her a few recipes, but with her poor memory (or effort), I’ve made her write it down.  It gets so frustrating when I ask her if she remembers how to make DISH A and she says yes, only to start bringing down the wrong ingrediants.   I can tolerate a poor memory (just write things down), but I can’t tolerate zero effort.

Nosy

Problem:  My helper is very nosy (or curious if you’re looking it as half full).  Her bedroom is our store room.  We’ve got documents, books, photos albums, boxes, pretty much everything except the kitchen sink stored in her room.  During the evenings when she has nothing to do, she’ll be flipping through our wedding and vacation albums.  It’s really strange to see it, I feel strange seeing her do it.

Solution:  Again, be up front.  I told her that lots of the things in that room are private property.  This is what actually prompted me to buy my safe - in the end, I’ve removed all critical documents from that room and have stored them in the safe.  Who knows where the nose will go?  I don’t talk to my helper about my personal issues and I don’t ask about hers.  It’s a clear cut line.  She’s my employee and I’m her employer.  We initially had our first helper dine at the table with us, turns out, that didn’t work out too well.   We had no private conversations and you feel obligated to include her into your conversation if she’s at the table.  What we’ve done now is our new helper eats separately.  Our family time is dedicated to our family only and it’s so much more comfortable now that we don’t have to involve her to translate what we’re discussing or ignore her. 

Carelessness

Problem:  Sometimes my helper’s common sense eludes her.  I’ve caught her carrying the baby while standing on a low swing (at the park), or try to put on boots standing on one foot and holding the baby.

Solution: Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Since I’m usually around the baby, I will notice these things and repeat myself silly.  This is part of the training that comes with new helpers.  She is slowly understanding my meaning and has improved significantly since starting work. 

I don’t my any means think that my helper is bad.  Everyone has their problems - especially with people who are not family and you have to be diplomatic to.  My helper does have many good points, but I wrote this article simply to state the problems I am facing and how I dealt with them.  I am still a firm believer in that the helper is what it is - a helper.  With many issues, you have to be up front with them.  If you let problems simmer, they become a snow ball and then your pent up frustration becomes worse than it really is.  Iron each problem out as it appears and keep communication clear.  As a helper, I’d like to be in the know with my performance, so do periodic performance reviews with her.  I usually do one at 3 months (after their probation) and then every year (or more frequently if need be).